The One
by willoffire.3264
Summary: I'm no good at writing descriptions that aren't humorous, and there is no way of making this one funny. So, all I can say is; Set after Asuka arrives in New Tokyo 3, but before Israfel. Credit is due to the Foo Fighters and Elena Siegman/Kevin Sherwood for the songs that I named this after. Oh yeah, Rei X Asuka shipping. ...On reflection, I should probably have put that part first.
1. Chapter 1 Looking Inwards

_[I've been waiting for-] The One_

Night fell, and as it did, two of the three Eva Pilots lay awake, trying to sleep, both worried by what they had said to each other earlier that day. And so sleep would not come.

_Part One: _(Asuka)_ Why Ever Would you Need a Friend?_

_"...I've never had a friend."_  
Verdammt. That again.  
_"I... Why would I want a friend?"_  
Why was it haunting her dreams. Was this guilt? She remembered what guilt was.  
This felt wrong. It couldn't be guilt.  
_"What is a friend?"_  
Could it?  
_"Who would ever be my friend?"  
_Verdammt...

Rolling onto her other side, Asuka felt her soft hair flow smoothly as she turned, and had to bite her lip to stop herself from screaming.  
It was her weapon, it wasn't soft. It couldn't be soft and be a weapon. It couldn't be smooth and be a weapon. It couldn't flow and be a weapon.  
Asuka put all of her mind away from herself, and away from all the others. She isolated the deepest of the things that was herself, and she tried to, at last, get some sleep. But it was futile.

Time passed, and there she was. Sitting there passively. As ever.  
Alone. As ever.  
_"Who would ever be my friend?"  
"No-one, you damn doll!"  
_This was guilt, wasn't it? No. It was more. Dread? Apprehension of a coming storm?  
But what storm? _She_ wouldn't be bothered, _she_ was just a little doll...  
...There it was again.  
It was dread.  
It was apprehension.  
It was a coming storm.  
As it was most of the time, a Human was, and always would be, it's own worst enemy.  
She had created her own storm to destroy herself. And now it would be unleashed.

As though she would let it be unleashed. Her own design or not, she would defeat the wave of wraith heading for her.  
Patiently waiting for the class to end, and to be released; and for her to be released. Soon Asuka had her way. As she left the building, she chased after her prey, closing on them under the clear blue, open sky.

"H-hey. How are you?"  
"I am without concerns."  
"But are you content? Are you happy?"  
"I have no need to be."  
"You also said that you have no need for friends. Maybe the two points are linked..."  
"I also have no need for speaking Spanish. Mayhap they are linked also?"  
"I just-"  
"I thought you had no time for dolls."  
"I-"  
"Is it just because you are one yourself?"  
"No, I-"  
"Just because you'd do anything to make them happy, just as I'd do anything they'd tell me to?"  
"I am not a doll! And neither are you! Don't let yourself be a doll!"

Not even noticing that she had awoke, Asuka continued her rant, letting the angry dominance fade into the pleading tone of what was her real voice. Her real desires. "I'm not a doll... Please don't say you're a doll... Please don't say I'm a doll... Please don't let yourself be a doll..." Somewhere in Asuka's brain, she realised that she was awake. But it was not as thought she cared.  
Rolling over, she stifled her sobs in her pillow, crying as she would have been had the dream had not ended. "I know that I said something that should have hurt you, even if it didn't, but please don't hurt me."  
In her head, Asuka heard a soft, level, voice cut though her thoughts, as clear as the cutting memories of the time she'd tried to talk to the first child.  
_"I am not hurting you. You are hurting yourself."_  
Oh brilliant, now she was so weak that she had to project the ration side of her mind onto somebody else.  
_"I am the ultimate in rationality that you know. I am the absolute. It makes psychological sense."_  
Asuka sniffed, as she realised the implications of what she'd been thinking about, and finally stopped running way and hiding, if just for a moment. She turned, and made herself stop crying, before whispering to herself. "That still doesn't excuse my weakness."  
The Rei in her mind smiled at her. _"you just need some sleep. You'll feel better in the morning."_  
Asuka twitched her mouth a little, as she turned over and felt herself finally, truly, fall asleep.  
"But how'll you ever feel better?"  
There was no response.  
Of course their wasn't, she realised. The part of her brain that needed to project onto another person was now one with the rest of her mind. And now whole, her mind knew who would make Rei feel better. The person who'd tried to hurt her in the first place.

_Part 2: _(Rei)_ What is Humanity?_

Lying alone, as she always did, the lethargic albino rested her body, as she set her mind to work for once. There was much to go over, and so little time to do it in.

Slowing her pulse to a slow throb, relaxing her breathing to a minimum, stopping her body's movement, Rei held her body in a sleep-like state with the power of her mind, which she forced to wake up at long last, breaking the rest she normally allowed it to slip into.

Clearing out all the junk her brain had passively collected that day, she settled on one moment, a moment she'd become fixated on ever since it had occurred and began replaying it over and over. After a few playbacks, she stopped, and thought.

It took her a while to gather anything rational to say. She felt a massive void before her as she thought over the replay. It was something basic and Human that just wasn't there. Something else missing. Oh well, she'd just have to cope without it, as she coped without all the other things that she'd been denied.

Rationality returning from the void, she slowly, ponderously contemplated the meaning of what the second child had said.

_"We should be friends"  
"Why?"  
"Because it would be convenient!"  
"...I've never had a friend."  
"Oh come on, that can't be true! How could you have never had a friend?"_  
_"I... Why would I want a friend?"  
"Because! How could you go through life without a friend!?"_  
_"What is a friend?"_  
_"You can't be serious!"  
"Who would ever be my friend?"  
"No-one, you damn doll!"_

_Can someone alone truly be Human, if the label Human is applied to identify something against other things?_

_Can someone alone truly be human, if they have no relations with those around them, if they have but one purpose, and are to be disposed of when unneeded?_

_Am I a Human?_

_Can I ever be Human?_

A lone tear left her eye, to slowly crawl down her face.  
What was this? She was... Crying?  
Why should she cry, she knew what she had to do, what she must do?  
Why was there a maelstrom inside of her?  
Why did she feel as though her mind had been wounded, like her body could have been by a lance, javelin, pikestaff or spear?

_Was that Human? Did being Human mean pain?_

Sighing, Rei finally accepted that she would have to rest her body and mind fully, and let herself drift off into a deep and undisturbed sleep.


	2. Chapter 2 Catalysts

_[Set me free!-] The One_

_**The One; Now with more dysfunctional yet heroic cowards and drunken twenty-somethings!**_

_Part One: (_Shinji_) Pain_

Strolling slowly to his current home, Shinji watched as Asuka walked with Rei some distancce ahead of him. Asuka had been watching the other girl on and off for a large portion of the day, and had told Shinji, no, in fact she'd _ordered_ Shinji to keep his distance form her. It wasn't as though he'd have encroached on his friend's privacy anyway.

He watched passively as the girl he'd saved not to long before was hit in the abdomen by his newest friend. It took him a second to realise what had happened, but he had soon started moving quickly towards the two, as they stood there alone on the empty street, far from anyone.  
He watched on as Rei took the blow and just ignored it, while Asuka took a step back. She was saying something, something too quiet for him to hear, as though he was running, he was still far off.  
Then she did something unexpected. She slapped herself around the head, and let herself fall backwards onto the hard ground, laying motionless.  
Then her breathing came in jerks and jolts, shaking her body.  
Either Rei had suddenly developed psychic powers, or something else strange was going on.

As Shinji arrived at last, Rei had lifted the fallen redhead into sitting position and settled herself next to them on the cold cement of the pavement. When he'd started running, he'd expected to break up a fight when he finally got there. Instead, he just got a single line out of Rei, as she looked over the other pilot on the ground. "Not a word of this to anyone. I do not believe that Soryu would want others to hear of this. Luckily, we are out of sight of most people here." Shinji just stood and watched as Asuka gathered herself. He had no idea what had just happened, what they'd been saying, why Rei would care for anyone, especially somebody who'd hurt her. She hadn't looked after anyone before, but then again he hadn't known her for long.

As Asuka finally started to stand for herself, Shinji turned to her. "What happened?"  
An irritated twitch crossed the German's face. "I tripped and fell you idiot! what do you think!"  
Shinji looked slightly down from her. "But I... I saw..."  
Asuka snarled slightly as steadied herself on the motionless pillar that was Rei, and turned to Shinji. "You saw me trip and fall over. Do you understand, Dummkopf?"  
"Yes, I understand... Sorry." He didn't even raise his eyes as he spoke, twisting his head way slightly.  
Angrily pushing off of Rei, Asuka gripped and turned Shinji's head so they were face to face, putting her left hand and a fair bit of her weight on his shoulder, making him stumble back a bit. "Don't feel sorry for me, idiot! I don't need your pity!"

As she turned away from him, and tried to stand on her own, Shinji watched her fall back, and Rei quickly catch her before lifting her body up in her arms.  
Turning to him, Rei spoke with her unchanging tone. "It may well be best that I look over Soryu's injuries for a short time."  
"But she hit you, she-"  
Rei cleanly cut through what he was saying. "And I have been trained to sustain high amounts of pain. I am also physically stronger than my appearance suggests. If she is going to hit someone in the near future, it would be best for everyone if that person was me."  
Shinji was used to being interrupted, Asuka, for one, was a major offender. Rei, however he didn't expect to be interrupted by. "But-"  
Speaking in the same calm, flat voice as always, Rei defied his attempts to speak to her. "Return to the Major's apartment, I will look after Pilot Soryu presently."  
Shinji looked at her quizzically. "What? Out here?"  
Rei shook her head. "My designated housing is far closer than the Major's apartment."  
"But why do you want to help her? She hit you!" Shinji was almost shouting at her now, confused by the whole event.  
Despite the situation, he saw half of a smile slip onto Rei's face as she answered. "While I do not care for myself, I do not wish for you, or pilot Soryu, to suffer pain. Now hurry!"  
Conceding defeat, Shinji nodded once and ran off, as Rei turned with her burden, and set off at a brisk pace towards her own apartment.

_Why would she smile?  
She doesn't want us to get hurt?_

_Part Two: (_Asuka_) Confusion_

_"I do not wish to hurt you; I-"  
"Just what they told you to do, huh? Don't wound the other Pilots?"  
"No, I-"  
"I have no such obligations!"  
She threw the punch, and then, shortly after, she felt it connect.  
"Was that really necessary?"  
"No, it- I... I've done it again. Tried to say what I want, only to... No, no."  
The self-imposed blow caught her squarely, and then the hard ground came rising up to meet her back._

Shaking herself out of the trance she was in, Asuka spoke to herself quitely. "Ugg, why does it always turn out like that?"  
She heard the calm voice of Rei in her buzzing mind. "What turn out like what?"  
Sighing, Asuka lulled her head to the side slightly. "Me trying to talk to Shinji. Me trying to talk to you. Me trying to talk to people in general. It's not their fault. It's mine."  
"Do not be so quick to blame yourself."  
Finally feeling the movement, and looking into scarlet irises which were the wrong way round, Asuka forced the buzz of pain to subside for a bit. "Where am I any... Wait, Rei, that's actually you? I- I mean I..."  
She felt herself being gently put down on somewhere soft as she watched Rei speak. "Do not worry, you are safe. You fell over after I helped you up. It was probably just mild concussion from the fall. I brought you back to my apartment to make sure you were all right, however."  
Asuka turned to her, as she drew away from the bed slightly. "After I got up?"

_"What happened?"  
"I tripped and fell you idiot! what do you think!"  
"But I... I saw..."  
"You saw me trip and fall over. Do you understand, Dummkopf?"  
"Yes, I understand... Sorry."  
"Don't feel sorry for me, idiot! I don't need your pity!"_

More lies.  
Another person she'd have to apologise to.  
She started to laugh hysterically. "It really is my fault, isn't it? I'm just a worthless doll, no better than even you! And there I go again, more lies, more pain, more apologies I'm never going to make! Ha, this really is the life!"  
"You do not know what you are saying, you probably still have concussion."  
Looking up at the stationary figure, Asuka started ranting angrily once more. "I know damned well what I am saying! For the first damn time, I know what I'm saying!"  
Disappointed red eyes scowled down at her. "Please, don't say so."  
"I know what I'm saying, I know what I'm saying, I know what I'm saying! What I mentally bludgeoned myself with before was true! What I know deep down about how I fight others so that I don't see my own failings through theirs is true!"  
The scowl deepened. "No. You are not worthless. You are not a failure."  
"I'm worthless, I'm worthless, I'm worthless, I'm worthless, I'm worthless, I'm-"  
Rei took a step closer. "Please stop it."  
"Make me! I'm worthless, I'm worthless, I'm-"  
Asuka opened her eyes, and saw the red irises surrounding pupils that were starring into her own. Breaking away from Rei's stare, Asuka tilted her head to one side.  
"I'm dreaming again, aren't I?"  
Pulling back, the blue haired girl replied. "I believe that there is a common term that would suit this situation; You wish."  
"What!? This is real? Then why did you do that? You looked like you were going to kiss me! Or stab me..."  
"You challenged me to make you stop devaluing yourself. I believe that I have succeeded." Rei stopped for a second to smile warmly. "Now get some rest, the Major will be arriving for you soon, but resting, even for this short time, will help your mind and body heal."

Turning back around, and lying back down, Asuka felt the soft throbbing in her skull that was lulling her back to sleep.

_Part Three: (_Rei_) Aftermath_

She calmly watched the sleeping form of Asuka, after her... Incident, Rei looked on her marginally differently.  
Remembering that Asuka had called herself a liar, and said how she couldn't speak to others, Rei thought back. Herself; with no past interactions with Humans, with no Humanity of her own. The Third Child; ineffectual, and with a long-running resentment of his father, the commander of NERV. And then Soyru herself. It might have just been the concussion, and before that she might have just felt guilty about what she'd said and done before, but there seemed to be something deeper. Rei sighed, put the thoughts and implications aside, and sat down on the edge of her bed, waiting patiently for Misato to arrive and pick Asuka up.

After sitting like this for some time, she turned and looked over the sleeping form of Asuka. Her eyes caught slightly on something. Rei turned to stand up. This would not do. This would not do at all.

_Part Four: (_Misato_) Fear_

Upon arrival and knocking on the door-like bit of , she was greeted by Rei opening the decrepit thing that passed for her front door, and an irate German girl shouting at her and lounging in someone else's bed. "Just give me the freaking painkillers and let me stay here! I'm too tired and unsteady to get up."  
"Aww." Misato started. "But what about poor Rei?" Pouting, she turned to look to the first pilot for support in her jibe at Asuka. But as she took a few pills out and Rei went to fetch a glass of water, it was clear that none was forthcoming.  
"She knew there was every chance of that when she carried me here." The German said to her, impatiently waiting out the last few seconds before the end of her pain.  
Re-appearing from the small kitchen area, Rei nodded, placing the glass down beside Asuka, who greedily took it and the pills up. "However, I could carry you back, by foot if needed..."  
After rapid swallowing the pills and downing a quarter of the glass of water, Asuka sat up and replied. "Yeah, but it's not going to happen. And surely it's safer if I'm not moved?"  
"I suppose." Misato interjected, as Rei picked up the glass before turning and speaking to Asuka. "And I don't mind you sleeping there Asuka. Are you done with this?"  
Asuka nodded, but Misato put her pout back on, turning it on Rei, as she walked out of the room. "But where will you sleep?"  
She was greeted by a level voice from the kitchen, and the short sound of water rushing down a drain. "I do not mind loosing sleep for a friend. I will probably find somewhere to sleep here anyway."  
Satisfied enough by that answer to not be worried, Misato turn on Asuka. "But how did this _really_ happen?"  
"I was walking home, talking to the doll there, when I tripped, fell down and knocked my head. Then Shinji, the nice guy that he is, if a bit dim, rushed over to help me. I thought I was fine, but when I got up I fell right back down. That's it. All of it. End of story."  
Misato looked at strangely. "That's just what Shinji said. Well, in different words. Now then Rei, what happened? And I want the truth now."  
"Do you order me to tell the truth?"  
Misato nodded, missing the deadly glare from Asuka. "I do, as much as I can order you when I'm off duty, and you aren't one of my charges."  
Rei nodded slightly. "It was as Asuka said. When she fell down, I caught her, but she was unconscious before she started to fall. I picked her up and moved as quickly as I could here."  
Missing Asuka relaxing slightly, Misato continued questioning Rei."You carried her here? Alone? She might not weigh all that much, but I doubt that you carried her here alone."  
A slow, simple shake of the head lead into Rei's reply. "Do you require a demonstration?"  
"I don't think that lifting Asuka when she's like that would be healthy for her Rei." The purple-haired woman said in a concerned tone.  
"I was referring to lifting you, Major."  
Misato laughed softly. "I'm a lot heavier than Asuka here, you know. You won't be able to- Woah, woah, put me down, you've made your point!"  
Dusting herself off after her short stint airborne, and glancing angrily at Asuka, who was sniggering non-too-subtly, Misato walked towards the front door, turning back to the two girls to say goodbye. "I'll see if I can get Ritsuko or one of the other technicians to take a look at you in the morning, all right Asuka? Until then, rest up. I'll leave Rei with some spare painkillers in the entranceway. All right? See you tomorrow."  
Rei nodded. "Until then I shall look after her."  
Asuka shouted out from where she was lying to Misato. "I though she was a doll, but it turns out she's really a nurse. Who knew? Anyway, whatever Misato, I'll just relax here with my caretaker for the night."

Misato smiled past Rei at her for a second, before leaving.

The front door closed quietly, and soon afterwards the sound of footsteps descending concrete stairs followed. After that, silence.


	3. Chapter 3 Breaking Point

_[For someone to find me-] The One_

Chapter Three of 'The One', a.k.a. The hardest thing I've had to write in ages.

_Part One: (_Asuka_) Nightmares_

"You really are worthless, aren't you? Can't even stand up on your own."  
She felt the shoulder she was resting on, felt it solid, unmoving She looked up, staring through the clouded world that was her vision. She felt like she was made of lead, lifting her head was like pushing it though setting concrete. Taking a step to stabilise herself felt like running a marathon. Staying standing, even with the support, like lifting a small car. Staring at the face of the man she adored, she felt something break in her mind as she associated what she'd hear with who'd said it. She fell backwards to the ground.

"Can't even stay standing with my help little one? Oh well. You know, he really is too good for you."  
Asuka tired to lift her head from the ground to see who Kaji was talking about, but she couldn't even turn it an inch, let alone lift it. She didn't need to, though, as the sullen form of Shinji walked over to them. Looking at her fallen form, he didn't cheer up, but he did laugh. It was a dry, humourless laugh. "I'm too good for her? Anyone's too good for her!"

_But, but... Shinji? Please?_

She didn't notice the soft footsteps coming up to her, but she did see the blue framed face appear over her and peer down on her. "You are worthless. As an Eva Pilot, you are disposable, replaceable. As a person you are obnoxious and unlikeable."

_No, I thought you... That you... Rei, don't..._

Out of the corner of her eye, Asuka saw a purple-haired woman walk up to Kaji and throw herself all over him. "Don't bother yourself with the little whore Kaji, come on, we have important things to be doing!"

_It was disgusting, her arrogance, that slut stealing Kaji. Stealing Kaji!_

But he just smiled. "I'd love to join you. Beats wasting time on miss high and mighty here."

_No..._

She looked up as the forms of the four of them went their separate ways, leaving her lying alone on the floor. After she was sure that they had gone, she slowly closed her eyes.

_"Why? Why did you all leave me here?"  
"No-one likes you."  
"Mama?"  
"No-one ever liked you."  
"Please..."  
"Don't you see now? See that it would have been so much easier?"  
"What?"  
"Don't you see that you should have been a good little girl?"  
"I don't understand! I was everything you wanted!"  
"You should have done what I asked."  
"I did, I did, I looked after you!"  
"You should have died with me Asuka. You weren't a good little girl. The other Asuka was better."  
"No, don't say that. Don't say that!"_

But with that, she saw the other her.  
The version of her the doctors had given her mother to pacify her.  
It was hanging from the roof, spinning slowly in it's noose.  
But now, facing her, the doll slowly stopped spinning, and then got down, it's stitching ripped and torn, and stood over her still frozen form.  
"See?" It whispered to her in Rei's voice.  
"See? I can walk. I can move. I can be popular. You never will be able too."  
"No, no it isn't true!"

"Are you well?"  
What? Why would the it say that? It didn't-  
"Asuka, wake up, you seem very discontent."  
Of course. It sounded like the doll of her nightmares, but it was just the doll she knew. She opened her eyes slowly, to see the mildly worried face break into the slightest of smiles.  
"Are you well?"  
She sighed. "Of course I'm well, idiot! What do you take me for?"

_Part Two: (_Rei_) Ice_

She recoiled a bit from the irate girl, but Asuka didn't even notice. "You seem to be back to your old self."  
Still ignoring her, Auska turned away slightly. "Yeah, no thanks to you!"  
"I am not due thanks for what I have done?"  
She went to say something, then stopped. "Yeah, yeah, all right, thanks."  
"Allow me a moment to prepare you a hot drink. I would offer you a choice, but I only ever have tea here."  
"Fine then, I'll have a cup." Asuka sneered. She paused for a second as Rei stood and walked off, but before she'd even left the room, Rei heard Asuka call quietly after her. "Thank you."

Setting the kettle on to boil, Rei turned her mind on itself.  
Why was there this barb in her heart at Asuka's tone? And why was there a different pain that filled her as Asuka had cried and whimpered in her sleep, speaking out in a subdued tone against some adversary?

_"While I do not care for myself, I do not wish for you, or pilot Soryu, to suffer pain. Now hurry!"_

Was that why? Was that even true?

_"No-one, you damn doll!"_

Why did that hurt? It was true, it was right. Why did it hurt?

Rei sighed as the kettle came to the boil. Pouring a single cup of tea, she turned and walked back into the main area of her apartment.  
Conceding defeat, she turned her head downwards slightly, and placed the cup on the bedside table. "You feel, don't you?"  
Asuka looked at the cup for a second. "Thank you for the tea. But what do you mean?"  
"What I say. You feel. You experience emotions." Hesitating for a second Rei glanced at the girl in her care, and noting the mild confusion masked by aggression she looked away again. "I... I do not understand my own. I do not react as is normal in accordance with these feelings." She felt... Something, at saying this. Something deep and writhing and not particularly nice. She just hoped that Asuka could help her. At least that was what she thought she hoped.  
Asuka sighed, before starting to talk in a matter of fact voice. "Well, that's because you're a stupid, mindless doll, made to act at the behest of anyone and everyone in NERV."  
Asuka was too busy ranting to notice the soft twitch in Rei's face. The slight deadening of her eyes. The minuscule tightness around her mouth.  
"Because you aren't like the rest of us, you're a worthless freak. Because you can't ever be normal, you have to be a perfect little puppet of your precious Commander. Does that answer why?"

After it all, somehow, Rei understood how she now felt. Somehow, she knew that the knot of squirming wrongness that was known as anxiety had given way to anger. Somehow, she knew that the hollow buzzing was disappointment and some vague sort of fear.

_Part Three: (_Asuka_) Out in the Cold_

"Well, little doll, does it answer your question?" Looking back up at where Rei had been standing, Asuka got the shock of her life. Without so much as a sound, that stupid doll had moved in close enough for Asuka to feel her breath, or it would have been close enough if she wasn't breathing so softly.  
She looked into the cold steel and accusing scarlet of Rei's eyes, as she noticed how Rei's soft, blue, hair was disordered and slightly bedraggled, as she listened to Rei's soft, even, voice spitting spiked truths at her.

"Was it a mindless doll that stopped you from falling a second time and hurting yourself further? Was it a puppet that carried you here and looked after you? Was it a good little doll that watched over you through the night making sure you were well? Was it a worthless freak that heard you muttering in your sleep and that decided that you should not have to endure whatever pain you were in?"

Asuka couldn't help but remember the last time she'd been in this close to Rei. It had only been last night. It had been because she'd been telling the truth for once. Now she knew that Rei wouldn't have hurt her, or kissed her, then. She couldn't do either. She didn't wish anyone pain, and she wouldn't know that she was supposed to kiss someone even if she wanted to.

"You would dismiss someone who cared for you? Someone who placed your safety and well being above their own?"

There had to be a way out of this. A way to stop the truth. A way to keep lying. She saw it in a second, and instantly regretted it. 'No' she though, a quiet voice within herself 'No' she repeated again and again until it filled her mind, and then, slowly, started to creep into her voice, and let itself be spoken softly, again and again. She held her eyes down, as she let the word roll over and over, gradually getting louder, the repetition being permeated more and more by sobs, as she felt a tear slowly roll, with the word, out of her and down her face. It was soon followed by others.

"Why are you saying no? Are you denying it? That you are arrogant and self-centred?"

Asuka turned her head up, into the coldness of Rei's eyes. She stopped herself from speaking, form crying, so that she could force the words of her reply out. "I am not."  
And then she let her head hang again, for a second, turning her eyes away from the blue-flanked face.

A second later, she started moving her head slowly, bringing her face up close to where she knew Rei's was. Avoiding looking into her eyes, Asuka held her head as steady as she could, before closing her eyes and seeking out Rei's lips with her own.  
Finding them, she kept contact for a second, before moving back. She went to speak, but found herself merely whispering.  
"I'm saying no because I'm afraid of you."  
Keeping her eyes closed, Asuka went to kiss Rei a second time, with less fear this time.  
"...Afraid of myself."  
Asuka stole herself, and kissed Rei again, the truth made her weak, weak and powerless to the other before her.  
"...Afraid of people in general."  
Asuka forced herself to continue, for one last kiss, one last sentence.  
"But most of all, I'm afraid of the fact that kissing you doesn't terrify me."  
With this quiet utterance, she fully broke away at last, reopening her eyes, but keeping them anywhere but on Rei's face.

"What you were saying was close to what I say to myself whenever I sleep, what the depths of my mind drag up to haunt me with. What I keep trying to deny. I'm scared, weak, and useless, and just been around you shows me that more than anything else could."  
Asuka couldn't stop the tears now, the soft repetition of 'no' slipping into her voice.  
"When I talk down to you, to anyone, it's out of fear of people seeing my failure, not disrespect for them. That and the fact that people in NERV's Tokyo branch all seem to skirt around things that they should face up to. Heh, who am I to talk, All I ever do is lie to people!"

Breaking down into a slight hysterical fit, she closed her eyes again, and waited for the inevitable exploitation of her exposure. It was as though her mind was naked, ready to be rent asunder under the oncoming barrage. Said barrage never came, what did come, however, was most unexpected.  
A soft warmth against her face; the slightest hint of a touch against her lips.

After a second or two, Rei stopped, and drew herself back, looking into the other pilot's eyes, which were gazing in confusion and surprise.  
Smiling ever so slightly at the confused look, Rei spoke. "I don't know why I just did that."  
"It's probably just because you hadn't done it before, and you wanted to see what it was like."  
A soft nod. "Yes, probably."  
"I mean, it not as though you did it because you care about this whiny, arrogant bitch here."  
The slightest of frowns. "Do not call yourself that."

And for some reason, that cheered her up more than anything else could have.


End file.
